Day before yesterday, we had Diwali in India. Its a great festival and I like it a lot. But with the happiness and Joy of Diwali too, there are some people who keep on spreading the negativity. Who blame you for nothing. And you really want to Scream and tell them that you don’t care what they feel about you, you are not wrong, and that is the end of Conversation.
When I started with my college, and even years before it, I had a habit of calling my friends on almost every occasion. It might be a festival, there birthday or anything else. But I always used to call them. Then things changed. And I have a strong reason to drop my habit of calling people on every occasion.
2 years back, series of serial blast happened in Ahmedabad, the city I am currently in. Many people died and many were injured. It was a bad time, and every one was afraid for themselves and the one they love, the one they care for. I waited and waited to receive a call from someone who wants to know how I am, no one called me but my Family Members and a close friend. It just didn’t matter to anyone.
That was the day when I changed my habit. I knew the mistake I was doing. I always thought my calls mean something to people whom I call, but how wrong could I be. It was so foolish of me to think that way, and apparently, since I have dropped the habit of calling people, I can see the foolishness behind the calls in an even clearer sense.
This Diwali, I tried it again. I waited for the calls, for the messages, but my wait was futile. Few people did call me, but I wanted more people to call me. Specifically people I have been calling all these years. But the call never came.
Finally, the next day, I decided to let it go, to drop the feel of not being remembered. I picked up my mobile phone and started calling people who are really close to me. I contacted almost all of them. A few are left, I will contact them, but maybe not now.
I called a close friend, a real close one, someone whom I consider my Alter Ego. And when he picked the phone, he said,”You still remember me?”. His question hurt me, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask him, “At least I thought about calling you and called you, what about you?”.
I want to ask this simple question, If I haven’t called you this time, I am rude. I don’t deserve a friend like you. I am the one who is at fault. Then what about you? Did you did something in a different way? Did you try to approach me and ask why I didn’t call you this time, when I have been calling for years and years. I want to ask you, Is it only my responsibility to carry the relationship forward, and take all the blame?
I don’t think you can answer this question. And of course if I will put it there, in front of you, you will cry foul and blame me again. So I am leaving this question here, though every single time I have been blamed of not calling, this thing has crossed my mind, and I am sure it will continue to come to my mind later too.