New flatmates – and the possible nightmares

I’ve had bad experiences moving in with people. And good ones too. When I decided to move in the new apartment, with 3 others, I was not sure what to expect. I was pretty sure that I was ready for this, until I stepped into the room, and my perception changed, and was challenged.

Freshers – due to some odd reasons, I have not been able to live with them. I find them very childish, and whining all the time, for things as small as 8 Rs, which irritate the hell out of me. I’ve had this experience with 2 other folks earlier, and if I knew, I might not have taken this decision.

After my bad experience in Bangalore, I decided to come back to Pune. Here, I was looking for single rooms preferably, but wasn’t able to find a good one, in my range and area of preference. This led me to finally settle down for a sharing room.

I saw the ad, visited the flat, and liked it instantaneously. It was a well furnished flat, with 3 people, who seemed nice. I had a long discussion with them where we discussed our expectations and what nots. I left the flat with a simple note – I will finalize the flat, give me a call once you guys get time to discuss internally and reach a conclusion. This was my standard line, when I liked a flat. I wanted to move in and settle down, as soon as possible.

They seemed a little dicey, in the beginning. So I was not sure if I will get the call, but I did, in around half hour. And the flat was finalized. I moved in couple days later, which my entire luggage, which of course was a lot.

As I moved in the flat, I entered my room, my room mate to be was there, made space for me. Other guy followed me in the room, and we exchanged pleasantries. I wanted to put them at ease, and feel comfortable around them as well. I dropped my luggage on side of the bed, and started chatting with them. The third one joined quickly.

Soon I found that they were a nightmare, that I didn’t want to live – Freshers (well, almost). As soon as I found that, I texted a friend, THEY ARE FRESHERS, it read. and the reply came immediately, OMG!!! WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW!!!.

I decided to let it slip, and see how things go. I chatted up with those guys for a couple hours and liked them. Mostly sharing my experiences with others and at job, and at times listening to their experiences.

Day ended on a pleasant note.

Next day my friend asked me, do you want to move out? And I said, I will see how it goes. I didn’t want to move out immediately, and wanted to give them more time. I am glad I did.

They are still freshers, but there is a feeling of friendliness in them. Yes, they are careless to a fault, like almost everyone is fresh out of college, but the childish behavior makes me laugh rather than make me angry, which was a good sort of change. I settled in quite comfortably with them.

We laugh for hours, talk for hours and pull each others legs. At times when with them, I don’t even realize what time it is, and sometimes forget about important stuff too. They’ve made me feel like home, and accepted me like an elder brother, and likewise, became my younger brothers, in just a couple days time.

After talking to them for a while, I realized that it wasn’t just me who was unsure if it will work out – They were worried too. Knowing that I was around 6-7 years older than them, they were not sure if I will gel well with them, and they also had a bad experience with someone. They were glad that I was able to gel with them, sooner than they expected.

And I was happy too.

Suddenly life has changed, and I am much more relaxed at home than I ever was. I know that I don’t have to worry about anything when I go back to flat. There will be no one sitting with grudge when I go back home, arguing about small amounts of money spent, or how one thing was cooked by the cook. Things though are not exactly sorted out, and lacks slight discipline which I will definitely add to the mix, but are very cool. People trust each other, and know how to enjoy life.

No one takes comments as personal, and are open to play around. There is constant bickering and barking and shouting, and yet the conversations are never heated or argumentative. It’s all for the heck of it, and for making everyone feel that they are as much part of the family as everyone else is.

It’s quite opposite to what I’ve witnessed so far. People don’t close doors and decide that paying rent is enough. People interact, and enjoy, and relish the time that is spend with others.

I am sure I will love this place. And these guys. This has opened a new world of possibilities for me, and will give me a chance to drop the extra burden of seriousness and responsibility that I made myself believe is part of my character for years.

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Everything is addictive – Part 1

It used to be music, and only music that I was into. Trying different artists and bands, different genres, different styles was a way of life. I could have spent hours and days just discussing my love for music with anyone, or without talking to anyone, only consumed by music.

It started slow, with curiosity leading to new bands and things to be heard, discovered, intrigue and excite me. Then it exploded, and I became more of a collector, than a listener. Downloading every damn artist I will hear about on the internet. Not downloading a single song or album, but downloading the entire discographies, GBs and GBs of data, that is still in my HD, never been heard, or tried.

Yes, in the process I did learn a lot more about music, and my personal taste – which varies from soothing melodic acoustics, to post-grunge and pschydelic metal, some great bands and songs were found which became and still are my go to songs, but it was a never ending process.

I started spending more time experimenting and less time enjoying my favorite music, which was odd. Wasn’t the whole purpose of the exercise to find the type of music that you love and enjoy? If you’re not doing that, than it was, all pointless, in a way or the other.

I still have a set of selected songs, that I mostly like listening to, and that is more fun than going through thousands of them, without enjoying listening to them.

Eventually, I think I have addiction problems. It’s not just music, I have seen the same in my other hobbies too, which have turned into addictions, and I can be described as someone who enjoy’s collecting more than consuming. More on that in next post.

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The red light dilemma – Part 2

While waiting for a red light to turn red, I got irritated. It wasn’t the wait that irritated me, it was the person right behind me. Even though he was able to see that the light is red, and I am waiting for it to turn green, he was honking constantly. When he honked a couple of times, I thought he will stop in a while and understand that I am not going to break the signal, but then he kept honking, and after a while, I got so sick, that I broke the signal and moved away from him.

I wasn’t happy. Rather angry and irked. I don’t see any rational behind him doing that. It wasn’t that he was carrying a patient and needed to reach a hospital or somewhere. Neither it was an ambulance or a police vehicle. It was a normal car. He was a normal guy. Why the urgency then? I am sure if I’d have asked him that, he wouldn’t be able to answer it. But then, it was better to move out of his way then to get hit by his car.

Have you ever been in this kind of a situation? If yes, then what will you do in such circumstances? Would you give up waiting and move on, or would you avoid his horns and wait for the light to turn green? Will his willingness to bring his vehicle very close to your make any difference? To me it did. I was afraid that he might hit my bike from behind which I didn’t want.

Will you get down and confront him about it? I know it can be extreme, but the thought did cross my mind. However, being hundreds of mile away from my family, in a state where I have no one, except few friends, I decided not to take my chances.

Let me know your thoughts about what you might have done in such a case.

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The red light dilemma

It was the 4th signal that was red. I did break the earlier three, but decided to stop on this one. There were people who were breaking it in front of me, but I stopped. Soon, people started stopping and waited for the signal to turn green. A small step that I took changed the way things were happening. A very small step changed the behavior of people around me.

I am not very sure why this happened. I’ve tried to look at it from various angles, and this is my conclusion:

When I broke the signals, there was no one there. Other drivers, who broke the signal in front of me, also saw that there was no one who was waiting for light to turn green, and just like me assumed that it is safe to break the signal.

When I decided to wait for the light to go green, then everyone who was passing by was able to see that there’s someone who’s following traffic rules. And felt obliged to wait and follow the rules. Maybe, if I saw someone waiting on the earlier red lights, I would have waited too.

The important question is, why did I stop at the signal? The roads were still empty, and crossing was still as easy as it was on the previous signals. The main reason I stopped was this thought, this curiosity to see what will happen if I will follow the signal. Will people look at me and stop, or will they still break the signal, calling me an idiot. The former was true, and I felt good about it.

We keep on hearing, ‘Be the change that you want to see in the world’, but we always wait for someone else to be that change. We always want someone else to do the right thing and then we might follow them. We always want someone else to take the risk of being considered stupid, or face criticism. We never try to take first step, and we blame the society and government and everyone around for the problems that we face.

Maybe we need to learn to take that first step. Maybe we need to be brave and be ready to be called stupid and to face the criticism. Maybe we need to learn that small steps turn into big ones, and can define what we want to do. What I did was very small thing and I do not see how it will affect the society as a whole, but there are a lot of other things for which we can take small steps and make the difference.

Are you ready to take such a small step to make this society or country a better place? Or do you want to be on the sidelines, and wait for someone else to take the first step? The choice is yours, it always is.

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He wrote it down.

In Others' Words...

Our intention was to dance on his grave.

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My beautiful cousin, who I’d not seen in 35 years, and I set out to dance on our grandfather’s grave. Our first dilemma was, of course, song choice. You have to have the right song. We bandied a few song titles about, Alanis Morrisette was a front runner.

Obviously.

We drove to the town where he lived, and where he is buried. We drove to the town where we were abused. Driving down the picturesque New England roads, I felt a little faint. Mary felt a little barfy. We pulled into a store parking lot, and Mary spent some quality time behind a dumpster, hurling. It happens.

We weren’t entirely sure where the cemetery was, so we pulled into a police station to ask for directions. I said, jokingly, We should go in and file a police report. Mary said, What would…

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I see you.

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Letting you go

Somethings are personal and are supposed to be that way. I did request you to make it right, but you had to push me. And now, you’re gone. I pushed you away, out of my life, whether you like it or you don’t….

It was a normal conversation between two friends, normal teasing and stuff, then you made it personal. You attacked my decisions, called me a coward, even though I’m doing all I can. What you failed to see is what I’ve done is far more than you ever dared to do. I talked to both the families, and they are at a mutual agreement. Whereas, you decided to stay quiet and let your guy marry someone else.

What were you expecting me to do? To be quiet, to listen to it all, just like that. No, I am not that kind of a guy. I retaliated. Put you in your place. Told you what you needed to hear to back off. What did I get in return? You saying I’m not a good person…

Hell yes, I’m not. I’ve never been. This is me. This is what I’ve been for all of the 8 years you’ve known me. I am honest to a fault, and I hurt you. Very true. I tried not to, but you pushed too far, and burnt yourself in the process. No one asked you to do it, it was your stupid decision, just like every single time when I decided to let it go because you’re way too important for me.

You said the whole group feels this way. To hell with that. Your group left me long ago and as I said, except for a few of you, I don’t bother about others. I did bother about you though. But you’re just not worth it.

I wasn’t the only one at fault. It was both of us. I said sorry, you didn’t. I tolerated. Expected things to be fine,but you had to cross the line when things were not fine between us.

That picture wasn’t the main issue. Issue was that you put it up on Facebook. Yes, it affects me. No matter how slight the implication is, it affects me and everything I’ve worked hard for in years. I requested you to take it down, you didn’t. Rather argued about why I even got that pic clicked if I don’t want it on Facebook. I got irritated. Your childishness was screwing my life, I don’t take that lightly. I asked you not to interfere with my personal life, you asked me never to talk to you again.

I’ve unfriended you from Facebook, blocked you from WhatsApp. This is a first. But if you can’t learn how to keep your nose where it belongs, if you fail to understand that some part of my life is off limits even for you, then its  best that we stay out of each others way, rather than hurting each other, every now and then…

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